Why is this news? Evette Holyfield and Discussions About Virginity

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On the heels of Lolo Jones, Evette Holyfield, daughter of Evander, has come out to the world as a 27-year-old virgin. In an interview with Essence Magazine, she detailed how her father encouraged her to remain a virgin til marriage at the ripe old age of 6-years-old. She also spoke about how she has maintained her virginity while dating.

Okay. I have to say it: WHY IS THIS NEWS?

I commend Miss Holyfield for sticking to her guns but I don’t get why being a virgin should be news. It would be different if these stories were diverse but it is the same story every time. Almost every time, there is some form of slut shaming as if people that are sexually active are all reckless an irresponsible. Holyfield’s story wasn’t exempt. Check it.

From Essence Magazine Online:

 My sister is a virgin, and I have a couple of friends who are virgins too. Some women have said to me, “Why would anyone want to date you if you haven’t had sex?” I ask them, “Why would anyone want to date someone who has slept with the whole world?” Having sex with a man is not what’s going to set you apart. What’s going to set you apart is what’s in your head. Show a guy something different — something that will stimulate his mind, not something they see or get all the time.

Slept with the whole world? Oh.

Not to mention, the subjects of these stories are almost always female. Remember Lolo Jones? We rarely hear about male virgins and when we do, they’re usually subjected to ridicule and speculation about their sexuality.

The commentary on these articles is predictable too. Sexually active people that are offended by the article will hop in the comments section to bash virgins and go on about how no one will want a virgin because people want someone with experience. These articles don’t do a damn thing but enforce the virgin/whore dichotomy and inspire a bunch of finger pointing. Frankly, I’m sick of it. No one should be made to feel ashamed for having or not having sex.

If you want to abstain? Cool.

If you don’t? Cool. Just be responsible.

That’s where it should stop. No one should be shamed for what they do or don’t do unless someone is being harmed by their actions. I would love to see the day when society is able to have healthy discussions about sexuality without someone being made to feel ashamed of something. But, I’m not holding my breath.

What do you think? Do you like these types of stories or are you just as sick of them as I am? Leave a comment!

 

7 thoughts on “Why is this news? Evette Holyfield and Discussions About Virginity

  1. Josh

    “No one should be shamed for what they do or don’t do unless someone is being harmed by their actions. I would love to see the day when society is able to have healthy discussions about sexuality without someone being made to feel ashamed of something. But, I’m not holding my breath.”

    Sums it up perfectly. As a male virgin that has been overly-judged and made to feel as a freak, outcast, worthless, unwanted, and that there is something wrong with me for being a virgin, it is encouraging for me to see “older” beautiful women as her and Lolo publicly state that are too virgins. But as you pointed out, it is usually stated in a way that makes it seem like virgins are so much better than everyone else who has had sex and that we are pure while the rest are nothing but dirty, sex-craved sinners. While I personally believe I am better than most guys for many reasons, one of them is because I was presented with a situation where I could have easily “relieved” myself of my virginity but I chose “to do the right thing” and put the woman there that was very willing before myself. But I do not believe I am better based solely on being a virgin (especially when my reasons are not religiously based as most) nor do I view anyone that has had sex as bad, evil, a sinner, etc whatever. I hate how sexually empowered women are frowned upon and called sluts/whores just because they are comfortable with their sexuality and have no shame in saying what they like/desire. As you said, no one should be made to feel bad for what they are and what they like as long as it doesn’t negatively effect anyone else. I don’t want to be a virgin, but I also don’t want to throw my virginity away on someone that isn’t worth my time. But “news stories” like this does nothing but as you said, they “don’t do a damn thing but enforce the virgin/whore dichotomy and inspire a bunch of finger pointing” and hate. It’s like just another way to devide us and keep us from having real conversations that need to be had without judgement on either side.

  2. Hykeem

    Ashliegh, I think the thoughts you expressed with this article are great! Considering people who are virgins and the ones that are not. I have not had sex yet for obivous reasons; but that shouldn’t be the reason women should look for in a men who had the experience or vice versa.

  3. Luna Sky

    I’m a 26 year old virgin and I am waiting for someone that I love to do it with. I am in no way religious. For me, seeing a woman that is my age say she is a virgin is refreshing, regardless of why she is doing it. Sometimes I feel like an alien because it seems like everyone is doing it and trying to make others feel like they are missing something or something is wrong with them. I agree that we should all come to a balance and stop shaming each other for our choices. Sadly, that day will never come because someone will always be offended by something someone says.

  4. My biggest issue with this is that it is still expected for women to negoitate their sexuality for and with men. My second biggest issue is that this mentality completely disregards lesbian, transgender, and queer women.

    “Some women have said to me, ‘Why would anyone want to date you if you haven’t had sex?’ I ask them, ‘Why would anyone want to date someone who has slept with the whole world?'”

    Women need to claim their own bodies, because these arguments about who is better (a virgin or a nonvirgin) is based on the mentality that our bodies still belong to men. Ultimately creating a divide between women.

    My hope is that one day we can stop assuming the position of sexualities prescribed to us by someone other than ourselves, and come together and celebrate our sexual differences of both men and women.

    Sorry to get all preachy on your blog Ash.

  5. K

    When I first read her article, I became upset. Not because she is a virgin but, like you said, the slut shaming that came with the article.

    My biggest issue is that this mentality suggests that a woman’s sexuality should be negoitated for and with men. My second biggest issue is that it compeltely disregards lesbian, queer, and trans women.

    “Some women have said to me, ‘Why would anyone want to date you if you haven’t had sex?’ I ask them, ‘Why would anyone want to date someone who has slept with the whole world?'”

    The idea that women’s bodies still belong to men is creating competition amongst women. By allowing men to define their sexuality, they are taking on the idea of what should be celebrated and what should be shunned. Ultimately creating a divide between women.

    Women need to claim their own bodies, and stop allowing themselves to assume the position of sexualities prescribed to them by someone other than themselves. Sexuality is beautiful and should be celebrated.

    Sorry to get all preachy on your blog Ash.

  6. I agree. I don’t understand why Evette Holyfield felt the need to share this or why it has become news, but thanks for writing on it. Slut shaming is an issue that needs to be addressed.

  7. Someone else asked asked Evette first “why would anyone want to date you if you haven’t had sex?” So it sounds like she was merely defending herself with the “slept with whole world” comment. And if defending herself brings guilt or “shame” to anybody — all the more power to her. I have to admit, when I’m faced with ridicule and speculation about my sexuality, my answer may not be politically correct either. And that is one of the number one reasons you don’t hear from us. The problem I had with the article was her lack of standards for a husband (what about a virgin as well?) and low opinion of men in general. Male, virgin, fifty one years old, older than Evette’s dad.

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